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high-grade fuck buddy

Developing a reliable, high-grade fuck buddy is one of the most difficult, but, ultimately, rewarding, things that a girl can do. With a little careful work you too can have all of the following:

1. Sex

2. Someone to occasionally change a lightbulb, or get you guestlist, or help you get stuff out of your loft

That’s it.

Unfortunately, the road to successful fuck-buddydom is often fraught with difficulties. In the interests of both parties, therefore, please find below The Dalston Years’ guide to finding and maintaining the perfect fuck buddy, or ‘we’re not friends, and we never will be, but please put me and my friends on the concessions list for your club’.

Step 1:

Identify the fuck buddy.

Ok, so in my experience this is usually a pretty straightforward endeavour: I’m not going to write a guide to pulling, I’m going to save that material for the slower winter months, but basically you want to go on a night out with Girl Gang and then make hot sexy eyes at any available man who takes your fancy. You’ll know they’re single because they’re out, in a bar, in Dalston.

When you want a man to know you’re interested in them, you do the following: dance with your friends, whilst looking at him. When you catch him looking at you, smile. When he’s not looking at you, smile. Basically, just always smile. Whilst dancing with your friends. But looking at him.

There are a couple of other stages to this, like the ‘I’ve lost my friends –can I hang with you’ routine (which usually is better executed when your friends aren’t standing in a massive group, shouting your name and then looking confused when you ignore them). Sometimes, if times are reallydesperate, you can fake stumble into them and then ask them for a cigarette, but normally I find that smiling like a maniac whilst staring them out generally gets the ‘I’m into casual sex’ message across in an expedient and effective manner.

Step 2:

Road Test your Buddy

Well, this is pretty straightforward. Or at least, you would think it is – but unfortunately fuck buddies aren’t always the most reliable of lovers. You see, as you’re not their girlfriend, they don’t have to hit all the marks, action-wise, every time. This can be frustrating. The gold standard you’re aiming for, really, is someone with such a massive pride thing (or hugely damaged ego), that they’re going to make it their mission to make you come, every time. I once thought that I had hit gold with my I-met-him-in-the-queue-for-the-cloakroom-at-Fabric-closing-time fuck buddy, who ‘rocked this party’, Black-Eyed Peas style,  for the first couple of times we ever hooked up. Unfortunately, when I went around to his house for another session of what I thought was going to be gold standard fuck buddying he made me watch a VIN DIESEL film whilst eating hash brownies, and it turned out that, minus the Class As (him, not me) , he wasn’t so hot after all. So, as with all other major purchases- road test your buddy in all conditions. Is he good drunk? Is he better high? Most importantly, what is he like sober??

More…

Surfing For Cougars: The Truth About Dating Sites And Extra-Marital Sex

Why Porn Made For Women Is Best

Step 3:

Establish your schedule

Ok, so this is the golden rule really of fuck buddying. Establish what you will and won’t do, and, most importantly, what you’re allowed to do with other people. In my experience, it’s best to keep your fuck buddies apart –  it’s also good to have a hierarchy of fuck buddies, so that you can make contingency plans when one fuck buddy drops off the radar (surprisingly, girlfriends aren’t actually the biggest killers of fuck buddies, it’s usually more distance that’s the issue- if you’re really good they might come up from Mile End, but ain’t no one gonna go south of the river for nobody). Most importantly, don’t double-book your fuck buddies. Much like drug dealers, or buses, they’ll usually let you down, but every once in a while they’ll both come through. As happened in my last weekend in Dalston, in which I had to explain to Fuck Buddy A why I needed to go downstairs to the door to explain why Fuck Buddy B couldn’t actually come in. All very embarrassing, and actually very frustrating as I really would have preferred to see Fuck Buddy B that night anyway.

Finally, enjoy your buddy! I would say that most fuck buddies have a six month period before they start to go a bit bad and you need to put that little yellow ‘reduced to clear’ sticker on them and whack them on the lower fridge shelf. Like exotic fruit, or non-elasticised tights, or a poorly-executed bikini wax, fuck buddies don’t last long, so enjoy them while you can. And remember girls – stay safe. A healthy fuck buddy is a happy fuck buddy.

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NEW VICTORIANS old new look

everything marks and spencer unless stated

In the Victorian era, daily dress was much more formal than it is today. Unless they were a workman or laborer, every gentleman was expected to wear a coat, vest, and hat.  To walk around in shirtsleeves without vest or coat would be the modern-day equivalent of traipsing about in one’s underwear.  Very unseemly, and most ungentlemanly!

If you’re developing a Victorian outfit for the first time, consider the waistcoat , coat and hat as your initial purchases, perhaps with a visible accessory or two.  Modern square-toed boots, black trousers, and a modern white tuxedo shirt can suffice to round out an outfit in a pinch.

 statedcharles caine pure silk scarfthe t.shirt here could be worn under the velvet vest withe overcoat featured on top topped by the slightly eccentric charles caine scarf worn . The Fairisle is a really good buy if you want the victorian look as it might have been in the country (although Victorians of leisure mostly did not wear them ) basic flat fronted dark grey trousers top off the modern victorian look if worn with these boots , nice in anyones books .the cufflinks although absolutely not victorian are a great touch for the modern victorian look .

When building a basic Victorian wardrobe, consider a waistcoat, or vest as the first step. An authentic Victorian vest is the centerpiece of any outfit.Much like modern ties, vests were used to make a fashion statement either bold or conservative and gentlemen would own several vests to accessorize the same dark suit.

Victorian gentlemen wore a wide variety of vests in almost every combination of cut, color and cloth imaginableth the opening of China during the 1840's silk become ubiquitous and relatively inexpensive, therefore men often wore extremelyfancy silk vests even during the day. Many men even wore their coats buttoned only with the top button, thereby allowing more of their vest to be seen.

Toward the turn of the century, wool and cotton vests in more conservative colors became more common for daywear as the three piece suit increased in populaen so,Like vests, hats were available in a wide variety of styles. 

Top Hats were de rigueur for parties and formal events throughout the century, but were also worn as day wear by the established gentleman.

A variety of other hat styles persisted, including the wide-brimmed “wide awake” style and the flat topped “pork pie” which were seen through the period.

Derbies or bowlers, short-brimmed with rounded crowns, became more common as the century progressed and by the mid 1890's outnumbered most other hat styles.

Victorian Coats

The second half of the nineteenth century was dominated by the frock coat – a man’s coat with full skirt both front and back that reached just above the knee.  It was common for both day and evening wear through the 1880’s, making it the most versatile coat of the Victorian wardrobe

Tailcoats – coats with a knee length skirt in the back contrasted with a short front -  were popular for most of the century, often used for parties and formal events.  Like today, the styling included single and double breasted as well as straight and pointed fronts. 

Please note that with straight cut coats, gentlemen often wore vests that were cut longer, allowing the bottom of the vest to show beneath the coat.

In the 1870’s and beyond, the sack suit grew in popularity.  The suit was originally cut as befits its name – with a large box like shape and no middle seam, which allowed the suit to hang loosely on the body.

By the 1880’s it became more common to see the coat with fitted styling and a middle seam directly above the coat pockets. 

Victorian Trousers

The most significant difference between the trousers of today and those of the mid 1800’s is the waistline.  Victorian men wore their pants higher with the top of the trouser at or just below the navel. 

Men wore trousers that had stripes and sometimes checks which they often paired with different patterns, stripes or checks.  These may appear garish to our modern sensibilities, but to the Victorian gentleman would have appeared quite fashionable.

Also note that men did not wear their pants pressed with a crease, but rather with a flat front.  Lengths of pants did vary slightly over the decades, from the shortest cut that caused the pant to hang completely straight to the longest, in which the trouser hung to the bottom of the heel of the boot.

Belts weren’t used, nor did pants even have belt loops.  Rather, suspenders or braces of leather or canvas were common.

Victorian Men's Shirts

Although similar in many ways, Victorian shirts were cut much more fully than modern shirts due to limitations in machining and tailoring techniques. 

Also, since washing machines were not available clothing was washed much more infrequently than today.  As a result men wore band collar shirts and for dress occasions added a separate collar and cuff.  Also, some shirts had a removable bib front, which was reversible to allow a man to hide any unsightly stains. This allowed them to keep a neat appearance without requiring the entire shirt to be laundered.