Pub Guides
West Ham
"East London will never forgive
All my wrongdoings
But still it's the place where I live"
Hefner - 'Painting and Kissing'
The first pub guide I ever did was for our trip to High Wycombe at the start of the 1999/2000 season, and, apart from one or two blips, I've been doing them since. But this one's a bit special. Here's a game close to home. You see, I live in East London, and waited from 1996 to 2003 for Burnley to play in this particular, distinct part of the capital. Millwall, occasionally Charlton, have tended to provide the shortest trip of the season, but that's so South of the River. Oh sure, when I misguidedly lived in Sarf London I would go and watch us lose at Leyton Orient, but in recent times, nuffink. But who'd have thought it would be West Ham rather than the Os to provide our East London opposition? Such a state of affairs could only have been brought about by the hapless Glenn Roeder.
Always capitalise. East London is different to the rest of London. It's its own place. We're not like the rest, and be sure to have your passport for inspection at Aldgate East. If such a thing exists, this is still, just about, real London. True, there's some erosion as gentrification, having exhausted most corners of this city, finally begins to crawl east and north, from Shoreditch to Spitalfields and even into dear old Hackney. In parts artistic wankers abound. It all started with the City's invasion of the Isle of Dogs, where in rebranded Docklands the City and real London continue to sit uneasily side by side under the intrusive shadow of Canary Wharf. Meanwhile the Square Mile creeps slowly Eastwards, throwing up intriguing contrasts between pin-striped luxury and the squalor across the street.
Yet still the essence of East London remains. East London, more than any other part of this city, is where you'll find tradition, innovation, dynamism, poverty, brashness and attitude - all the things that make London brilliant and dreadful - along with every skin colour and language under the sun. East London is international yet local. This is traditionally the place that the immigrants come to. When they make it, they move out to more aspirational suburbs, and the next wave of the poor comes in. So these days it's the Kosovans rather than the Bengalis who deliver your pizza. But though the markets and the pubs still matter, and folk still go down the dogs, while the local jellied eel shop (urgh!) has a queue of hungry punters every Saturday, it isn't quite EastEnders. You see, not only might you not know your neighbour, but you may not speak their language. Oh, and we all have our own washing machines. So welcome to my manor.
Alas, I'd be the first person to admit that East London is not the best place to get a drink in this city. It isn't quite as grim for ale as Norf London, but I concede that the best places for London beer are the virtual foreign countries of West and South West London. That section - the posh bit - is where London's stalwart independent breweries, Fuller's and Young's, reside, after all. It was depressing in compiling this guide to note how often I used the word Wetherspoon's. Lord knows I'm not the biggest fan of this chain of compromise, but round here they tend to act as real ale oases, and must be used as such. But I never realised how much of my money I gave them until now. The area around the Boleyn Ground - points off if you think it's called Upton Park - is particularly poor. People drink lager round here. Also bear in mind that West Ham have sizeable support. There will be lots of them and you can expect nearby pubs to be very busy. As I tend not to drink round these parts on Saturday afternoons - I'm normally somewhere else - I have no idea whether pubs I'm familiar with will be swamped by hordes borrowing our colours. And then the friendliness or otherwise of the welcome is something else you might have to think about.
Prudence therefore suggests that you give the area immediately around the ground a miss and concentrate your drinking on zones within easy travelling distance. The nearest tube stop for the ground is Upton Park, which is on the District Line (the green one). If you're coming from central London your best bet will be a zones one to four Travelcard, which will give you unlimited travel between the centre and the ground on tube, rail and bus. The possibility then opens up of drinking somewhere close to a stop along the tube line before making your merry way to the match. Also worth knowing about is that the interchange with the Central Line (the red one) at Mile End is particularly straightforward, being a matter of crossing the platform, bringing stops along that route into the equation. You can probably get buses as well, but I'm not getting into that here.
One other transport issue worth knowing about is that it is very hard to get into Upton Park tube after the game. Everyone else is trying to do it at the same time, and there will be a queue and potentially a substantial wait. This can be averted by making the longer walk to the stop before, East Ham. You pays your money and makes your choice.
I'm assuming for the following that you are in possession of an essential copy of the London A-Z, without which you are going to get lost. This neatly absolves me of the responsibility to give detailed directions.
One option strategically placed near Mile End tube (come out, turn right, cross the road and carry on until you get to Coburn Road) is the Coburn Arms. This is a thoroughly pleasant Young's pub. I noticed on my last visit that even this area was getting a bit more upmarket (even Bow!) and Mile End Road was considerably cleaner than it used to be, so be warned that there is a danger of encountering a member of the middle classes in this pub, but still the beer is good. From here it's a ride of a few stops to Upton Park tube. Bow Road tube, also on the District Line, is equally close if you carry on down Mile End Road.
A Central Line stop before is Bethnal Green. I've been in the Wetherspoon's pub here, the Camden's Head on Bethnal Green Road, a few times. Not particularly nice or clean, and I always have the feeling that I am the only person in there without (a) a tattoo and (b) a criminal record. It also feels strange to step from a black street into a white pub. Preferable is the Approach Tavern on Approach Road. Again, there is this curious mix of working- and middle-class customers. True, there is an art gallery attached to the pub, but then the Ministry of Ale in Burnley has exhibitions and no one can accuse them of being pretentious. If you do visit and if you're a man, be sure to take a leak, as the urinals are particularly fine examples of the chunky white porcelain ones made by Ducketts, of Burnley. The gents, at least, are an East Lancashire corner of East London. You're likely to be filling your Ducketts with recycled Adnams, by the way.
The Central Line also gives you the option of the City, although on a weekend most pubs around these parts will be shut. The Wetherspoon's on Liverpool Street station, the Hamilton Hall, is perhaps a strategic starting point, as it's open all available hours. It's not the greatest of pubs, but against the low standards of station bars it's not bad. Across the road there's Young's to be had in Dirty Dicks, although I suspect not on a Saturday.
While in the Liverpool Street area, particularly if it's after the match, you could do worse than observe another East London ritual, and go for a Brick Lane curry. Okay, Brick Lane is now on the tourist circuit under the 'Bangla Town' branding and there are frankly better places to get curry, but a walk down Brick Lane's endless rank of curry houses as you dodge the waiters hustling for business is all part of the experience. All the street signs round here are in Bengali as well as English, something I can't see catching on in Burnley. Where you'll eat is down to pot luck. Choose between the traditional kind of popadom and Kingfisher places or the new upmarket boutique restaurants between which the street now seems pretty evenly divided. But you don't need to take pot luck on the beer. Around the halfway mark look out for Heneage Street, slightly hidden on your right as you walk up Brick Lane. Tucked away here is the very wonderful Pride of Spitalfields, an ever-busy, small and friendly pub, where you'll usually get something from the excellent Crouch Vale brewery as well as Fuller's London Pride.
The Central Line runs through the heart of London - hence the name - and in doing so takes in what is for my money London's best drinking area, Bloomsbury and Holborn. Alighting at Holborn tube will take you to, in short measure, the following pubs: the Cittie of York, a many-roomed stone-flagged former coffee house selling Sam Smith's that is cheap for the area, on High Holborn; the Red Lion, a small and friendly Greene King pub, and Penderel's Oak, one of the best of the Wetherspoon's, both also on High Holborn; just off on Dane Street, Overdraughts, a quiet and relaxed bar; and on Sandland Street a Badger pub, Old Nick's; just along on Red Lion Street, the Dolphin, a startlingly normal pub with sharp service and Young's on offer; across Theobald's Road on Lamb's Conduit Street, the venerable Young's house of the Lamb, probably the London pub I've drunk in more than any other; and around the corner on Great James Street, the Rugby Tavern, for some Shepherd Neame. It's amazing that within a small space there are all these good pubs selling a variety of beer, and yet this is consistently underrated and under-used as a drinking quarter. Recommended for day-trippers to London, the only possible snag is that what is open at weekends is rather hit and miss.
Alternatively you could aim for the other side of Mile End. There are some decent drinking options around the Stratford and Leyton areas. From here you can get the Jubilee Line (tube - grey) or North London Line (train) down to West Ham and then the District Line two stops to Upton Park. Stratford has one or two decent pubs - although only one or two. The local Wetherspoon's is one of the better ones. That's the Golden Grove on Grove Lane, a short walk from the fancy new tube and bus stations. Money has certainly been spent on Stratford these past years. Anyway, it's a big pub selling a good range - and it's usually busy. The Theatre Royal Bar, more or less across the road from here, is open to non theatre-goers, and used to serve a pint from Charles Wells, as well as a good range of Sam Smith's bottles, but I've not been in since they re-opened after a long spell of refurbishment, so don't quote me on that. Over on Broadway, right in the Centre, you have the King Edward VII. Not a bad pub, bit studenty, beer a bit on the cold side when I last called in.
Down in Forest Gate - you're talking train rather than tube, or a frequent bus from Stratford - there's an unlikely pub on - aha! - Upton Lane. The Spotted Dog is a bit of a trek out, but it's a curious, weatherboarded place, which apparently in some way goes back to Henry VIII's day, or so I read somewhere. I seem to remember drinking Charles Wells Bombardier last time I was in here, which is not to be sniffed at. They also have an attached restaurant. Clapton FC's ground is next door. It's called the Old Spotted Dog Ground. For a stop on your way out there's yet another Wetherspoon's, the Hudson Bay, at the start of Upton Lane.
Carry on down this road and eventually you'll come to Plaistow, which is very West Ham territory. In fact you'd have skirted Upton to your left and West Ham to your right before you hit Plaistow High Street. The Black Lion is another one of those unlikely survivors, an old coaching inn that also curiously hosts a boxing club. Dick Turpin used to drink here, apparently. I bet it will be thronged when West Ham are at home.
While we're doing close to the ground, the Miller's Well on Barking Road in East Ham is the local Wetherspoon's, and will doubtless be very busy.
Or you could go to Leyton as well as Stratford, one stop further on the Central Line. Here's one patch of East London that surely will never be gentrified. Round the back of Leyton tube and past the ever-evocative Catholic cemetery is a true gem, the Birkbeck Tavern, on Langthorne Road. This is a big square pub and a proper locals' place, but the welcome is friendly and they'll always have two or three beers on - one of which you can guarantee will be something interesting from a small brewery. They also have a jolly nice beer garden. In addition there are also a couple of sound options up in the Baker's Arms area where Leyton High Road and Walthamstow's Hoe Street meet the neverending Lea Bridge Road. As long as you avoid the Baker's Arms itself, you'll be alright. The William IV has for as long as I can remember had a sign outside saying it's a wine bar. Don't be put off either by this or the abundance of external floral decoration - it's definitely a pub. It's one of those deceptive pubs that, once in, reveals itself to be bigger than you'd ever expected. As well as being a nice pub, this is also home to East London's only brewery, the Sweet William microbrewery. Not all of the range seems to be available at any one time, but you should get one of the bitters - Just William, E10 Red, or William the Conqueror - and, if you're lucky, the very drinkable East London Mild. Then just a few steps down Lea Bridge Road you'll come to the Drum, a Wetherspoon's pub, but an untypical one. Unlike the hangars they normally occupy, this place is small and feels like a proper pub. The beer range is excellent, and it's generally in peak condition.
Another option, going east beyond Upton Park tube, is Barking, where there are one or two drinking possibilities. The local Wetherspoon's, by the station, is the Barking Dog, which I seem to recall being pretty reasonable, if on the rough side, and certainly better than the adjacent Spotted Dog, which sold overpriced Courage. Also around here, on Church Road, is a splendid distant outpost of the Young's Empire, the Britannia.
And so ends our whistlestop tour of East London. Leave some beer for me, won't you?
Firmo
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