RIBS TOWN A short Story

Charles Ambrosia Wanklen the third didn’t like guns even though he was the owner of the only gun store in town. When Jack Tewlitt came in Chas said. "Good you came Jack I’ve been talkin to pricks all day about what damn guns they should use to kill what damn animals".


Jack , a veteran of Iwo Jima, sat down and offered Chas a Cigar; they both lit up."Wanna beer Jack" He went to the back of the shop and brought back two

"I have this specially sent over from the Limeys; this is real beer Jack, not the shit people think beer is here". Jack poured his out into the glass that Chas offered him and then took a long swig.

"Been thinking Chas about Iwo Jima again. When we raised the flag in that famous photo they all go on about, there was hardly any fucking Japs left, know what I’m saying".

"Yeah Jack, what you saying is that this country is founded on myth. Davy fucking Crockett, the bullshit about the brothers of the revolution, the Pearl Harbour crap. All lies. A country founded solely on lies and religous fanatics".He always said stuff like that.

"Those two fucking fat freaks gone missing Jack".

"Do I give a shit, loook at my face".

"Well their fat fucking frump of a Mother came in here asking what they bought to go hunting so I told the Fat fucking cow and I added that I’m a seller of guns not a fucking social assistant like the niggers have".

"Fucked her once when she was half decent; whined like a pig when I stuck it in; strangest fucking sound you ever heard".

"Well that is history , don’t suppose you wanna do anyhing like that now".

"Well thanks for the beer, by the way just came across the street and saw that Moodies been turned into a Frog brasserie as they say".

"Well bout time we had some decent fucking food here ; fuck Hamburgers and fries".

"Too true ".Jack Tewlitt didn’t really like Chas but Jack thought he was the only person in Ribs Town that had at least some idea of reality, the rest of the populace, well most of them, believed what they saw on T.V and in the newspapers; they believed the most corrupt media in the world outside of Italy and Latin america.

Jack Tewlitt didn’t give a shit anyway because he could see a phoney a mile off.

In Iwo Jima he had more or less tried not to get shot and had been only 14 years old when he had been put into the catering corps; Tewlitt hated this because he wanted adventure and thought it might be fun blowing fuck out of those snidey fucks called the "Nips".

He soon changed his tune when he saw the shit going down and was glad he had been put in the caterers; his one lament was why the fuck he had falsified his age to get into the war.

Notwithstanding that he was still a decent figure of a man, tall , straight and unlined. women still fancied him for he was one of the few in Ribs Town that could wear a Ralph Lauren double breasted chalk stripe and look the business; his dark latin skin and luxuriant greying hair gave him the look of a dubious Italian mafioso and as he sat down with Chas in the French joint Mary Parkins a "forty" something looked at him from the table where she sat with her husband schoolteacher Peter Parkins who was younger than Jack but looked knackered out.

Jack had fucked Mary 20 years ago and it hadn’t been one of his better sexual experiences; she fucked like someone brought back to life from the morgue.

Just moments before she had been in the crapper and now sitting at her table was ANOTHER CUSTOMER CALLED Tamiya t.Assab, a cross between an arab and a jap .She was playing with yourself material.

Just Before she had been straining at the leash, struggling with the load and what a load!

Then finally a bomb ejecting from that tight little ass splashing the water now shitted open by shit.

She had wiped herself then entered back into the restuarant. The bomb still floating on the flotsam .

A smile.

She sat down.

The man thinking as she sat please God make her marry me.

Bob Pope was one of the types that even if you’d never ever been to Canada well you’d expect to find his type there.

He was plump and tall and thought of himself as most Canadians do as an outdoors man but the truth was he couldn’t waLK A FLIGHT OF STAIRS without loosing his breath.He was fair as well and had light skin, too light.



Bob had money so at least he was able to procure his fair share of women cos Bob put it around that he liked to fete his females.

His latest chick was this stunner, an Arabian Princess, so she said. I have to tell you that I couldn’t understand why that little sex pot went round with Bob; I mean even the thought of them having kids is disgusting. Big Flabby White Man+SILKILY SEXY Arabian Princess.



They did get married and the children were to put it mildly bizzare. I won’t tell you what they looked like but you can imagine can’t you? They just added to that bizzare fucking nation which is like a mad zoo that breeds Camels with Elephants and Monkeys with Chickens..

Michael Mondois arrived at the table of Jack and Chas and said.

"It is a great pleasure to welcome you to "PEPE LO MOKO". Can I ask you what you’d like to eat".

"Yeah". Said Chas. "We’ll try the Entrecote".

"Bad choice" said the French waiter Michael Mondois. And it was cos just before the kitchen had seen altercation.

"In the freezer is Mr Simms from the Food and Drink agency . I’m going to cook him in the oven a bit later "Said the Dwarf . "He has never been cooked before".

"What did the Asshole want"? Asked the blond waiter called Mondois.

"He found something that according to him was not of animal origin". Replied the Dwarf.

"And what was that"? Asked the waiter.

"What was that? Why is that? How! when! why! I am a cook and you are a waiter so don’t ask me questions!!!!!

"Arse-hool"!!!

"Arse-hoool!!!!! YOU ASS-HOOOL.

Mr Simms had been a very pleasant and well organised man until he had hit upon that French place in the Deep South but now he would turn out to be the greatest thing that Mr Bernard Moonstone , the president of the university of Quantrill had ever tasted. It was just following the maxim of the two French partners; that was drawn up years before in Lyon, that being."Give people the things they deserve to eat or even better give them the food that they merit.

Michael Mondois was the kind of Frenchmen that everyone loved to hate; he was extremely arrogant but in such a subtle way that you needed to be intelligent to even begin to understand that he was that way. Tall and blond, Michael came from the city of Lyon that place of the best French culinary skills.

"Bad Choice"? Asked Chas

"Yes I’m am afraid that the Entrecote needs to hang longer than it has but if you return in a week then it will be superb" Replied Michael.

"Well what do you suggest"? Asked Jack

"I would go for the liver with fresh wild garlic. It is truly superb".

"O.K we’ll go for that" Replied Jack. "If that is fine with you Chas"?

"I’ve never eaten Liver replied Chas but yeah if this fellah says its good then O.K. He’s French".

"I will bring you a very inexpensive wine that comes from the Medoc and this will go superbly with the liver" Replied Michael.

In the kitchen all the walls were painted a bright red and the little dwarf chef sang"Who Made Who" by AC/DC as he cooked up the liver and fresh wild garlic. He was on the warpath once again.

Outside in the road hugely fat John drove past. He had decided he hated niggers now and hated his xxxxxl ac/dc t.shirt.



When John got home Mom was on the couch eating "Choke Me Chocs". These were marshmellows covered in a chocolate substitute; six to the pack .

"Hi Wonderful! I saved you two "Choke Me Chocs"

John didn’t answer but poured himself a cup of coffee; he didn’t put his usual three sugars in it; the incident at the Hamburger joint had put him in a new frame of mind.

"You look worried Hon. What’s the matter Hon"?

John drank the coffee without answering and thought it tasted like piss without the sugar. He then mused on the idea that if the food America ate was not masked then most of it tasted like piss.

"I’m your Mother baby boy why don’t you answer your Mother"?

He looked at her and wondered if he was like her. Am I a fucking moron like you he thought. Maybe I am , yeah maybe I’m just a fat fucking freak like you.

"I’m O.K mom but I gotta go out".

"Where ya goin Baby Boy"?

"I’m goin down to the gun shop and I’m gonna buy a gun cos me and Tommy are goin hunting for the weekend".

"Wanna Choke Me Choc hon"?

He murmured see you later and went out. He lit a ciggie and got in the car.

Charles Ambrosia Wanklen the 3rd took out of the reproduction cabinet an exact copy of the rifle used by the English in the 1700’s .

"Listen fellah if those limey bastards had had more of these we wouldn’t be eating hamburgers right here and now; we’d be eating Fish and Chips. "

John replied. "Would we Chas"?

"We sure would; you know what really happened don’t you"?

John and Tommy asked chas to fill them in and he proceeded to do so.

"Well we talking about a civil war, we ain’t talking about a revolution like them stubblebums in the schools you go to would like you to have it. It was limeys v Limeys; forget all that Star Bangled Banner shit! Well the Limey army simply run out of men and their King couldn’t have given a shit about the war".

"This bring down a deer Chas"? asked John

"Only if you two feet away" Replied Chas

"So what fucking good is it"? Asked Tommy

"It’s no fucking good unless you are a real hunter and not one of those pricks who come in here buying the latest 200 rounds a minute automatic ".

"But those pricks can hit what they like can’t they"? Asked John

"Yeah they sure can but look how those pricks are doing in Iraq, not very fucking good if I may say the truth. Shooting is about being intelligent, being a sneaky little bastard. With no offence, a deer sees you two coming through the fucking woods with automatic weapons and then you two sweating profusely, cos you way over the fat limit and no offence, what’s that deer gonna do? Well he’s gonna say hey two suckers coming through the woods and you lose him. But if you two boys been starving for coupla days then you gonna get sneaky and you gonna use this weapon as it was meant to be used".

"How is that" asked John.

"well when you are near starving you gonna make sure you pin that deer; you get upwind of it and then you get near , and that takes you forever, then you ping the deer!! And then you eat good deer steaks that night on the camp-fire and you ain’t eating that shit called cow that says "EAT ME I GIVE STOMACH CANCER".

"Does it"? Asked John.

"It’s a plague of Bubonic proportions; the doctors won’t tell you but you should never eat cow in it’s American version".

"So what the fuck can we eat"? asked Tommy.

The weekend had become four days and for two of those days they had been lost in the middle of a forest.

"We’re gonna die of starvation " said Tommy.

It was the umteenth time he had said that and John swung round his musket and said.

"If you open that fucking rat-trap of yours one more time I’m gonna fucking shoot you".

Tommy knew that he meant it and stayed silent.

"We won’t die Tommy because we’re bound to shoot something in the end. Why didn’t you bring your fucking mobile you fat freak"?



"Yeah well why didn’t you recharge yours"? replied Tommy.



They walked on and then it started to drizzle with no signs of stopping.



"Now we’re gonna kick the bucket for sure ; can’t shoot fuck with wet powder Dude"!!



John levelled the musket on Tommy and said. "O.K scum-bag you asked for it.









"Don’t kill me dude, please don’t kill me, I’m begging you dude" Cried Tommy



"O.K dude but if you open that motherfucking rat-trap just one more time about how motherfucking hungry you are then you dead fucking meat" said John



The rain never stopped and as night fell they stopped walking and erected the tent. Tommy fell asleep straight away after he had said the words. "Sorry John, I know that I’ve been bad but on the morn I think we’ll see something positive".

John lay in his sleeping bag smoking a cigar, letting the smoke drift out of the tent by pulling the flap open; the truth was he felt good; one time he hadn’t felt like a fucking fat freak in a AC/DC XXXXL T.shirt was now; his titties felt less like teats and he realised that for the first time in his life he was getting fit.

The morning came but the drizzle hadn’t stopped. They walked on and on but never saw anything to eat; they thought about certain plants and fruits but Tommy said that certain things in the forest would kill you stone dead. After hours of walking Tommy finally flaked out on the ground and said.

"Kill me dude, I’m done for, kill me. This is as far as I go".

John looked at him and said. "Well stay there and die then".

He walked on but after some time he heard something coming through the undergrowth. It was Tommy.

"Dude there was something looking at me , something from behind a tree"."Shoot him"?

"Give me the fucking gun, Iìll shoot the fucker".

But as John aimed the Labrador barked and then ran a few paces , stopped and barked again.

"He wants us to follow him ". Said Tommy. He’d seen the films and dogs always brought people to safety.

"O.K, lets do that dude". Said John.

They walked for an entire day, never stopping even though Tommy and john felt that the next tree was their limit but still they went on.

"Don’t worry dude that dog will lead us to safety, big black labs like him always do". Said Tommy.

"But there is something motherfucking strange about that dog, look at his coat, you ever seen a dog in such good condition, that coat is absolutely shining dude".

"Yeah that is fucking strange, should be a bit run down like us but he looks in great fettle dude".

"Yeah that is fucking funny dude".

They walked on and on and the drizzle never let up; the dog was always up ahead barking for them to follow and they did.

Finally just before night fell they came to a clearing where an army tent was pitched.

"Maybe this is the owner and he for sure as shit will have hot drinks and food" Said John.

The dog stopped outside the tent. Tommy pulled open the flap and inside laying on a sleeping bag was someone even fatter than Tommy.

"You the rescue party dude  ?Josiah Thomas was just another fat freak caught up with the manliness of hunting and he too had got lost; he too had been "saved" by the black Labrador.

All three of them lay in the Army tent as night fell; not a word was said; it seemed that they knew that now there was no way out.

Midnight fell and the black dog sat looking at the tent; he drooled long lines of saliva and looked intensely at the tent.

Out of the trees came a figure dressed in white, a dwarf dressed in white. He wore the moustaches in the french manner, waxed at the ends. On his head he wore a chef’s hat nearly as long as his body.

He put his hand on the dog’s head and stroked it.

"Mon Petit you are a wonderful friend".

The dog looked up at him with undying love in its eyes.

The french Chef drew open his chef’s coat and extracted from his belt two nasty looking knives that arrived in fine points at the end.

"I will make you the finest Entrecote known to man , I think my friend that we are going to have a feast".

The dog offered him his paw

look young once more in your now sorry life

Test clinici condotti dal prof. Lefery Romain hanno dimostrato che c'è una formula che aiuta a combattere le rughe e la pelle secca e flaccida - nella pratica, permette di ringiovanire l'aspetto di 15 anni.

Prima di entrare nei dettagli, qui abbiamo alcuni referti medici dei risultati di questa rivoluzionaria scoperta. La pelle di una donna da 65 anni, dopo l'applicazione di questa formula, dal punto di vista medico ha cominciato corrispondere alla pelle di una donna di mezza età. Inoltre - dal punto di vista medico - la pelle di una donna di 55 anni, dopo l'applicazione di questa scoperta, si presenta nello stesso modo della pelle di una donna nel fiore della vita. L'orologio biologico della pelle delle donne di 30 e 35 anni è andato indietro nel tempo a quando erano delle giovani bellezze.
A primo impatto, questi rapporti possono sembrare troppo ottimisti ... se qualcuno si basa su una conoscenza medica obsoleta. Tuttavia, tenendo conto delle nuove scoperte dei premi Nobel sulle cellule nel corpo, diventa chiaro come la scienza ha trovato un modo per le rughe e per l'inversione dell'invecchiamento.
(Relazione da New York - Anette Yorin) Durante una drammatica conferenza stampa è stato rivelato come un professore americano è riuscito a ripristinare l'aspetto giovane di una pelle colpita dall'invecchiamento. Il segreto è un approccio totalmente nuovo all'invecchiamento della pelle - una nuova scoperta del prof. Romain Lefery,basata sulle ricerche dei 3 premi Nobel per la chimica nel 2009: V. Ramakrishnan, T. Steitz, A. Yonath.
La formula ha già superato le prove all'università del posto, test cosmetici e test di laboratorio su come ripristinare un aspetto più giovane di 15 anni in ATTENZIONE: 15 - 30 giorni. Davanti agli occhi dei giornalisti è stato dimostrato come una donna di 55 anni riesce a ringiovanire di 10 anni durante un trattamento di 5 minuti.

Sembrava che le stesse crescendo una nuova pelle

La 55-enne Jane Smith prima e dopo l'utilizzo del trattamento del prof. Romain Lefery.

Dopo essere entrato nei dettagli con i reporter sul test della 55-enne, il prof. Romain Lefery ci spiegò quali sono i problemi più comuni che incontrano le donne dai 30 ai 65 anni di età. Problemi come le rughe persistenti sulla fronte, le zampe di gallina intorno agli occhi, linee profondamente che si estendono dalla bocca al naso, pelle flaccida sul mento, pelle secca e spenta. Poi il professore ha mostrato delle foto cliniche che documentavano la straordinaria scoperta.
La presentazione è iniziata da una miscela soffice e bianca posta in un barattolo. Il professore ha iniziato ad applicarla sul viso di Jane Smith, facendola penetrare con delicati colpi di dita senza però massaggiare o tirare la pelle. In poco tempo la miscela bianca e scomparsa del viso penetrando negli strati più profondi della pelle. Poi ci ha mostrato le foto scattate durante il test. Più tardi abbiamo assistito a come le rughe ostinate scompaiono. La fronte della 55-enne Jane Smith è diventata pulita e levigata come la pelle di un bambino. Poi abbiamo visto come le sgradevoli zampe di gallina svanirono davanti ai nostri occhi. In fine, le profonde linee che si estendono dalla bocca al naso sono scomparse in un batter d'occhio.
La pelle di Jane Smith è diventata morbida al tatto come mai prima. Quando la guardavi si notava subito quanto era liscia. Ma non è finita. E' stata grande la sorpresa nel vedere la pelle del mento invecchiata, rilassata e flaccida che ora appariva rassodata come se fosse qeulla di un'attraente donna i 35 anni. Alla fine la pelle della signora Jane Smith emanava freschezza, vitalità e giovinezza. Quando ho guardato la sua pelle splendente, non avrei mai creduto che un tempo potesse essere rovinata, stanca o secca. In questo modo, una meravigliosa scoperta ha trasformato un matura 55-enne Jane Smith in una bella donna di 35 anni. Ne abbiamo avuto la prova vivente.

Il professore sgiega

La straordinaria trasformazione, di cui siete stati testimoni, per la persona media è un miracolo. Ma per uno scienziato è diverso. E' basata sul fatto che tutti i medici e scienziati sospettavano e i premi Nobel l'hanno visto nel DNA delle cellule della pelle. Il Prof. Lefery continua: Con il passare degli anni i muscoli e le ghiandole sotto la pelle cominciano a ridursi. Invece di rimanere ferme e dure come durante l'infanzia, diventano morbide e flaccide. Cominciano a cadere a pezzi - si ha la formazione di solchi, linee e rughe. La pelle perde la sua elasticità. Presto si vedono i primi segnali di invecchiamento.
Quale è la cause delle cellule della pelle che si disintegrano? Non è una mancanza di idratazione come affermano gli slogan delle grandi aziende cosmetiche. Se fosse così avremo bisogno solo di acqua e sapone per essere sempre giovani. Non è una mancanza di idratazione, ma la mancanza di qualcosa altrettanto importante. Gli ingredienti nutrienti del DNA, formule che agiscono a livello del DNA, le cui il corpo non è più in grado di produrre. Il corpo di una certa età cessa di produrre queste formule per il DNA. In altre parole, la pelle sta digiunando.

Si può cambiare la natura?

Il Prof. Romain Lefery spiega. E se la scienza medica dimostrerà che grazie alla nuova struttura che nutre il DNA, si potrebbe in processo e le cause dell'invecchiamento? E se fosse possibile ripristinare una condizione giovanile della vostra pelle? E se la scienza medica vi dimostrerebbe che grazie a una nuova scoperta fatta con ingredienti naturali che nutrono il DNA, è possibile ripristinare una bella pelle un aspetto giovane. Levigare gli strati ruvidi della pelle che per anni hanno nascosto il vostro splendore e la vostra bellezza. Nutrire tutte le rughe e linee, in modo che scompaiano in un tempo molto breve.
E' la scienza ad averlo fatto! E' stato poi provato nei test clinici e di laboratorio. Quando questa formula che nutre la pelle viene applicata direttamente sul viso, in un tempo molto breve ridona un aspetto giovane alla pelle e aiuta a eliminare le linee, rughe, ampre di gallina UNA VOLTA PER TUTTE!

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I più letti

Fonte russa: La Francia deve consegnare il mastral. Altrimenti
Agenzia TASS: Ciampi può essere il nuovo vicepremier. E'
Fosfato di zinco. Come nel veleno per topi. Le induiste sono morte dopo
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Pizzarotti:"Grillo ha fatto un passo indietro"

Sull'autore

Si è laureato presso Medicine School of Houston. Ex membro del United States Hospital in Marsylia e International Dermatological Clinic in New York. Il Prof. Lefery Romain è un membro della United States Dermal Institute. Autore di numerose pubblicazioni in materia di malattie e problemi della pelle. Attualmente vive e lavora a Dallas.

Clicca qui per ordinare la formula antirughe del Prof. Lefery, la quale nutre il DNA della pelle

new alfa

how to really get cancer fast

While there are many potential factors¹ contributing to unsuccessful weight loss, if you’re struggling with excess weight then when you eat may be just as important as what you eat.
In over 30 years of clinical practice, intermittent fasting is one of the most effective ways to shed excess weight I have ever seen. This is for two reasons:

• It helps improve your insulin and leptin sensitivity
• It “resets” your body to more effectively burn fat for fuel

Eating too close to bedtime is another meal-timing factor that can have serious health consequences.
There’s compelling evidence showing that when you supply fuel to your mitochondria at a time when they don’t need it, they leak a large number of electrons that liberate reactive oxygen species as free radicals.
These free radicals damage your mitochondrial and eventually nuclear DNA.  There’s also evidence indicating that cancer cells uniformly have damaged mitochondria, so the last thing you want to do is eat right before bedtime. 
Personally I strive for six hours of fasting before bedtime, but at bare minimum, avoid eating at least three hours before going to bed.
If you have serious adrenal challenges then you would likely need to resolve them before implementing intermittent fasting.
Also if your goal is to have large muscles, intermittent fasting would likely not be your best strategy. But personally I believe virtually eliminating your risk of cancer and living much longer is a far better choice for most of us.

Research Shows Most Americans Eat Four to 15 Times a Day

Research reveals that a vast majority of Americans eat all day long. Most also consume a majority of their daily calories late in the evening, and this type of eating pattern is a recipe for weight gain and metabolic dysfunction.
As reported by LA Times:²

“... Americans' 24/7 culture of work, entertainment, and digital connectivity now also extends to our dietary consumption patterns, new research³ finds.
Americans' erratic, round-the-clock eating patterns, suggests the new study, have probably contributed to an epidemic of obesity and Type 2 diabetes.
But they can be changed, and the restoration of a longer nighttime ‘fast’ shows promise as a means to lower weight and better health...”

The study⁴ revealed that most participants spread their eating and drinking over the course of 15 hours each day. About 25 percent of their daily calories were consumed before noon, and more than 35 percent after 6 pm.
Other trends revealed by carefully tracking the timing and content of people’s food and beverage intake for three weeks included the following:

• The 10 percent of participants who ate and drank the fewest number of times each day still averaged 4.2 consumption-events per day
• The 10 percent who ate most frequently averaged 15.5 consumption-events daily
• Less than 10 percent of participants went without food for 12 hours or longer
• The majority fasted less than 9 hours a day
• An average of 12 percent of the total calories participants ate each day were consumed after 9 pm

Fasting 12 Hours a Day or More May Be Key for Successful Weight Loss

Previous animal research⁵ has demonstrated that when mice are allowed to eat whenever they want, they tend to get obese, whereas animals whose food availability is restricted to eight or nine hours a day stay leaner — even though the overall calorie consumption is the same between the two groups.
The mice that fast for 15 to 16 hours a day also had lower levels of inflammation, less fatty liver disease, and healthier cholesterol and metabolic markers, compared to the non-fasting mice.
As noted in the featured article:⁶

“Pointing to such research, the Salk researchers have suggested that a nightly fast of 10 to 12 hours might do much more than just limit the consumption of excess calories:
Even without changing daily calorie intake, a lengthy nighttime fast appears to ‘reset’ a circadian clock disturbed by 24/7 feeding and drive up the body's ability to burn off extra calories.
While humans cannot have their chow taken away for half the day, the authors wrote, their ‘erratic daily rhythm of eating/fasting... can be manipulated to obtain desirable health benefits.’"

To evaluate the validity of their claim, the researchers recruited eight of the original study participants for a small pilot study in which the only dietary change made was restricting their eating to a 10 to 12 hour window each day. For the remaining 12 to 14 hours, they fasted. After four months, the participants had lost an average of more than seven pounds. And, while not specifically instructed to cut calories, they ended up reducing their daily calories by an average of 20 percent anyway. Along with weight loss, the participants also reported improved sleep and increased energy levels.

Temporary Fasting Mimics Long-Term Calorie Restriction

Calorie restriction has been one of the very few interventions that has been consistently shown to promote longevity. But living life on the brink of starvation is just too tough for most people.But, as recently demonstrated in a study⁷ led by Valter Longo, temporary starving yourself every now and then effectively mimics continuous calorie restrictive diets, and provide many of the same health benefits.
The researchers tested a fasting schedule on yeast, mice, and humans, to evaluate the effects. Thirty-eight healthy individuals between the age of 18 and 70 were enrolled in the human portion of the study. Half of them ate normally throughout the three-month long trial. The other half fasted for five days each month.
During the five fasting days, their diet was all plant-based, low in carbohydrates and protein, and high in healthy fat. On the first day, they ate about 1,090 calories, and then only 725 calories on the remaining four days. As reported by the Detroit Free Press:⁸

“The test subjects who ate the special diet experienced drops in their fasting blood glucose levels and in factors associated with cancer and cardiovascular risk. In mice, the researchers saw increased numbers of stem cells, suggesting that starvation-like conditions killed off old, weaker cells and allowed younger, refreshed cells to emerge. ‘Everything is getting a little younger and it goes back to working much better,’ Longo said.”

Evidence-Based Health Benefits of Intermittent Fasting

While weight loss may be one of the most noticeable effects of intermittent fasting, it’s certainly not the only one.  Other health benefits associated with intermittent fasting include:^9,10

Improved cellular repair and waste removal processes	Reduced cancer risk
Hormonal adjustments that help release stored body fat, such as reduced insulin levels and increased human growth hormone (HGH) release	Improvements in risk factors for heart disease, such as blood pressure, cholesterol levels, triglycerides, and inflammatory markers
Beneficial genetic and molecular changes associated with longevity and disease prevention	Improved brain health and reduced risk for neurodegenerative diseases such as Alzheimer’s (courtesy of reductions in inflammation, oxidative stress, reduced blood sugar levels, and improved insulin sensitivity)
Reduced oxidative stress and inflammation	Extended lifespan

Intermittent Fasting Schedules

Intermittent fasting covers an array of different fasting schedules. As a general rule however, intermittent fasting involves cutting calories in whole or in part, either a couple of days a week, every other day, or even daily, as in the case of the scheduled eating regimen I use myself. The “best” one for you is the one you will actually adhere to.  Here’s a quick summary of several different eating schedules:

Restrict daily eating to 6 to 8 hour window (the key here is to eat breakfast or dinner, but not both)	For the last couple of years, I’ve suggested skipping breakfast, and having lunch be your first meal. However, some people really struggle without breakfast. More recently, I have refined my views on this strategy. It likely doesn’t matter which meal you skip — breakfast or dinner — as long as you skip one of them. The key to remember is to only eat within a window of six to eight consecutive hours each day, and avoiding food for at least three hours before bedtime. As long as you restrict your eating to this window, you can choose between having breakfast and lunch, or lunch and dinner, but avoid having both breakfast and dinner.  If you chose to eat dinner, it’s important to avoid eating for at least three hours before going to bed. I have recently appreciated that this is another important factor that can help optimize your mitochondrial function and prevent cellular damage from occurring.
The 5:2 Fast11	On the 5:2 plan, which Dr. Michael Mosley is a major proponent of, you cut your food down to one-fourth of your normal daily calories on fasting days (about 600 calories for men and about 500 for women), along with plenty of water and tea. On the other five days of the week, you can eat normally.
Alternate Day Fasting	Dr. Krista Varady is a proponent of the alternate day fasting protocol, which is exactly as it sounds: one day off, one day on. When you include sleeping time, the fast can end up being as long as 32 to 36 hours.
The Warrior Diet (by Ori Hofmekler)	This is a protocol designed to improve your fitness by exercising in a fasted state. I’ve interviewed Ori and posted detailed articles on this in the past. His plan calls for 20 hours of fasting, and four hours of “feasting.”  You exercise during the day in a fasted state. Raw vegetables are allowed during your fast, but no protein, which is reserved for “feasting” or post-exercise recovery meals. To learn more about the Warrior Diet, please see this previous interview with Ori.
Eat Stop Eat (created by Brad Pilon12)	In this protocol, you fast for a full 24 hours once or twice a week. Your fast should be broken with a regular-sized meal (i.e. avoid gorging when coming off your fast), and you can maintain a regular exercise program without any special diet recommendations for workout days. Fasting for 24 hours can be tough for some people, but eating a high-fat, low-carb diet can make 24-hour fasting easier, as a higher fat diet will tend to normalize your hunger hormones and provide improved satiety for longer periods of time.
LeanGains (a fasting protocol by Martin Berkhan13)	This is a daily 14 to 16 hour fast, during which time you consume nothing with the exception of non-caloric fluids. Sleeping time is included in this time-frame, leaving an 8 to 10 hour window during the day when you’re allowed to eat. This protocol is designed with regular exercise in mind, with specific nutrient ratios for workout days and rest days, and is geared for those who want to shed excess fat and gain muscle mass. Hence, it’s best suited for those who are actually exercising and lifting weights each week and can tolerate working out in a fasted state.

Must You Intermittently Fast for Life?

While many end up sticking to intermittent fasting long-term once they get used to it, you don’t have to continue on forever if it doesn’t appeal to you long-term. If you need to lose 50 pounds, you're looking at about six months or so of intermittent fasting, after which you can revert back to eating more regularly. Just keep an eye on your insulin sensitivity; if your insulin level starts to rise back up, you may want to go back on an intermittent fasting schedule again for a period of time. I strongly recommend paying careful attention to your food choices, however. Even on non-fasting days, I believe it's important to eat a diet that is:

• Based on REAL FOOD, ideally organic and/or locally grown.
• High in healthy fats. Those who are insulin resistant will benefit from 50 to 85 percent of their daily calories in the form of healthy fat from avocados, organic grass-fed butter, pastured egg yolks, coconut oil, and raw nuts.
• Moderate amounts of high-quality protein from organically raised, grass-fed or pastured animals. Most will likely not need more than 40 to 80 grams of protein per day.
• Unrestricted amounts of fresh vegetables, ideally organic.

The Benefits of Avoiding Late-Night Eating

As mentioned earlier, eating too close to bedtime is another meal-timing factor that can sabotage your health. It’s important to have a minimum of three hours after your last food intake before you go to bed. Ideally, aim for as much as six hours between your last meal and your scheduled bedtime.
The rationale for this recommendation has to do with the way your body produces energy. Your mitochondria are responsible for “burning” the fuel your body consumes and converting into usable energy. These tiny bacterial derivatives live inside your cell and are optimized to create energy from the food you eat and the oxygen in the air you breathe. Your cells have between 100 and 100,000 mitochondria.
Your mitochondria have a series of electron transport chains in which they pass electrons from the reduced form of the food you eat to and combine it with oxygen from the air you breathe to form water. This process drives protons across the mitochondrial membrane, which recharges ATP (adenosine triphosphate) from ADP (adenosine diphosphate). ATP is the carrier of energy throughout your body.
A major side effect of this transfer of electrons is that some leak from the electron transport chain to react with oxygen to form the free radical superoxide. Superoxide anion, the product of a one electron reduction of oxygen, is the precursor of most reactive oxygen species and a mediator in oxidative chain reactions. These oxygen free radicals attack the lipids in your cell membranes, protein receptors, enzymes, and DNA that can prematurely kill your mitochondria.
Please understand that some free radicals are actually good and your body requires them to regulate cellular function. The problem is when you have excessive free radical production. Sadly that is the case for the majority of the population and why most diseases, especially cancers, are acquired. There are two possible solutions, increase your antioxidants or reduce mitochondrial free radical production.
I believe one of the best strategies for reducing mitochondrial free radical production is to limit the amount of fuel you feed your body when it requires the least amount, which is when you are sleeping.  If you feed your body shortly before sleeping you will have large amounts of fuel your body simply has no need for, which will result in a massive increase in leakage of electrons that combine with oxygen to form free radicals, which damage your DNA, and thereby radically increases your risk of cancer. 

This is one of the reasons why I rarely eat less than three hours before going to bed and frequently it is 5 to 6 hours. A review paper¹⁴ that provides much of the experimental work for the above explanation was published in 2011, titled “Mitochondrial DNA Damage and Animal Longevity: Insights from Comparative Studies.”
It may be too complex for many laypeople, but the take-home message is that since your body uses the least amount of calories when sleeping, you’ll want to avoid eating close to bedtime because adding excess fuel at this time will generate excessive free radicals that will damage your tissues, accelerate aging, and contribute to chronic disease.

How to Radically Increase Your Intermittent Fasting Success

If the very thought of fasting makes you shudder with anxiety, then you're in luck! EFT practitioner Julie Schiffman has a great video for reducing your anxiety about fasting.
EFT, or the Emotional Freedom Techniques, is a powerful energy psychology tool that has helped hundreds of thousands overcome emotional challenges. It uses acupuncture meridians to help neutralize electrical brain disturbances that emotional wounding can cause. I strongly recommend tapping along with her if you have any hesitation at all about fasting. Being in the right mindset is 90 percent of the challenge, and EFT is a highly effective tool toward that end.

Contraindications for Intermittent Fasting

While intermittent fasting has many health benefits and has been shown to be a very effective strategy for weight loss, it’s not for everyone, all the time. It’s also important to remember that when you’re fasting, proper nutrition becomes even MORE important, so if you’re currently on a processed food diet, you may be better off addressing the foods you eat FIRST. Your focus should be on eating REAL FOOD.
Once you’ve gotten the hang of cooking from scratch, then you can begin experimenting with intermittent fasting. For many, switching out processed foods for whole foods can go a very long way toward addressing excess weight and insulin resistance — especially in combination with regular exercise.
All of that said, there are some instances in which fasting may be contraindicated. If you're hypoglycemic, diabetic, or pregnant (and/or breastfeeding), you are better off avoiding any type of fasting or timed meal schedule until you've normalized your blood glucose and insulin levels, or weaned the baby. Other categories of people that would be best served to avoid fasting include those living with chronic stress, and those with cortisol dysregulation, or those that are seeking to athletically compete and build large muscle mass.
One of the keys to eliminating hypoglycemia is to eliminate sugars, especially fructose from your diet. It will also be helpful to eliminate grains, and replace them with higher amounts of quality proteins and healthful fats. However it will take some time for your blood sugar to normalize.
You'll want to pay careful attention to hypoglycemic signs and symptoms, and if you suspect that you're crashing, make sure to eat something. The ideal food would be coconut oil as it will not worsen your insulin levels and is metabolized relatively quickly for energy.
As for pregnant and/or lactating women, I don't think fasting would be a wise choice. Your baby needs plenty of nutrients, during and after birth, and there's no research supporting fasting during this important time. Instead, focus on improving your nutrition during this crucial time.
A diet with plenty of raw organic, biodynamic foods, and foods high in healthy fats, coupled with high quality proteins will give your baby a head start on good health. You'll also want to be sure to optimize your vitamin D levels and include plenty of cultured and fermented foods to optimize your — and consequently your baby's — gut flora.

noise and colour poem

Corot  visioned the whole of Impressionism,

 Corot ,said, a few days before he died.

" I saw in my visions  entirely pink skies"

 well, they came

 those pink skies

 visions into the future of

 colour and line becoming colour.

Corot pink,  the shocking colour pink vagina colour,

 the pink hiding in valley forest,

 then the pink of Monet’s whores, 

 virgin pink Van Gogh’s Tree,

  pink of Bonnard’s last painting,

 Almond Tree in Blossom

when he took new life for old. 

 I took the  tops  off all the tubes

 and let the colour get its freedom ,

 richnesses that had been suppressed,

 colour more blatant  than Vincent.

 You haven’t seen colour before 

the opened tubes said to me

we are a  a kind of noise.

the celts

THE DAWN OF EUROPE

About three decades ago the initial phase of Celtic history did not spark any debate in academic circles. The common belief was that towards the end of the Bronze Age, the ancestors of the modern Irish, Scots, Welsh and Bretons lived in the Middle Rhine Valley, the Upper Danube and north-western part of the Alpine foothills. Leaving their ancestral homelands, armed with iron swords and seated in chariots, ancient Celts spread in all directions, from Anatolia to the British Isles in the 6^th-3^rdcenturies B.C., to be subsequently conquered and assimilated by the Romans and Germans. New facts, however, have caused European researchers to revise this simplified scheme. It is clear today, that ancient the Celtic civilization was formed in several centers. One covered the Atlantic coast of what is now Spain, Portugal and France, Ireland and part of Britain. The population was genetically related to ancient farmers inhabiting Europe before the arrival of Indo-Europeans. In the last thousand years B.C. or possibly even earlier, the Celtiberians of the Iberian Peninsula and the ancient Irish spoke in the most archaic Celtic dialects; the source of the modern Irish language. The second center of the Celtic world was deep in the European subcontinent, inhabited by the tribes called Celts or Galatians by the Greeks and Gauls by the Romans (the name comes from gal, a para-Celtic root meaning fierce and courageous).  

The Celts appeared on the historical arena when the La Tène archeological culture was formed in the early 5^th century B.C. The heart of its habitat was in the Marne and Moselle river basins and Bohemia, from which it quickly spread all over Central and Western Europe. The Celts were a linguistic and cultural community parts of which were influenced by conquered peoples and neighbours, rather than a single ethnos. At the same time, the achievements of the La Tène culture were also adopted by non-Celtic tribes, including Germans, Thracians, Dacians and Early Slavs.

Ptolemy's Europe: Geographer Claudius Ptolemy signed modern Ukrainian towns Zalishchyky and Kamianets-Podilsky as Carrodunum, a Celtic title translated as "a chariot fortress"

WOE TO THE VANQUISHED!

These were the words said by Brennus, a Celtic chieftain, when he thought that the ransom proposed by the Romans for lifting the siege of their plundered city was not adequate. Ironically, this quote was later often used against the Celts. In the 2^ndcentury B.C. the borders of the Celtic world shrank considerably. In 52 B.C., Gaius Julius Caesar finally conquered Gaul, the heart of the Celtic world. Another 50 years later, the last Celtic chiefdoms surrendered to the Romans or Germans. The British Isles were the only place where the Celtic culture continued to thrive. Neither the Romans, nor the Anglo-Saxons succeeded in conquering them entirely during the early Middle Ages.

The end of the 1^st millennium brought prosperity to Ireland. The remote island that the Greeks and Romans thought to be inhabited by wild people and cannibals faced a new religion as a powerful cultural impulse in the 5^th century. Christianity quickly dominated the land, without causing undue pain, although Ireland never entirely dropped paganism. Another specific feature of Ireland’s Christian culture was the visible impact of Greek and Egyptian Christianity. Unlike other West European countries, the island’s population did not forget the Greek language along with the best achievements of Ancient Greek literature, philosophy and natural sciences.

The Irish developed the art of book miniatures and calligraphy, church singing, etc. Its wandering monks carried their achievements to Europe where the Benedictine monasteries they founded turned into centers for art and education. According to “The Life of St. Mariano”, Irish monks reached Kyiv in about 1070. The court of Prince Iziaslav Yaroslavych gave them a warm welcome and presented them with gifts of precious furs, worth 100 pounds in silver. Using these funds, the Irish built the St. Jacob and St. Gertrude abbey in Regensburg, which in time became the center for all Irish monasteries in Europe, both de facto and de jure. Gertrude, chosen as their patron saint, is viewed as undeniable proof of the Irish abbey’s close ties with Gertrude, the wife of the Kyiv Prince. Contact with the Irish enriched the Rus culture. The powerful impact of the Irish book illustration school can be seen in the ancient Rus miniatures from the Gertrude Psalter and Ostromir Gospels.

OUR ANCESTORS,THE GAULS

Viking raids, and particularly the expansion of England and France, resulted in the loss of the Celtic peoples’ independence and the decline of their culture. Their heritage was not revealed until modern times when European nations began to create a “historical myth” of sorts. Several countries, primarily France, recognized Celts as their official ancestors. Even the 1789 revolution was interpreted as a revolt of the oppressed Gauls and Romans against the usurpers, meaning the king and the aristocracy whose representatives were proud of their Frankish noble ancestry dating back to the reign of Clovis I and Charlemagne. Napoleon III was a big defender of France’s Celtic roots. He funded massive archeological digs of Gallic villages and the construction of a memorial on the site of the last battle between the Gauls and Caesar. In the 20^th century, Celts were viewed as the avant-garde of “white Aryan Europe” or as an ancient prototype of European multiculturalism. The founding fathers of the EU liked the concept of Celtic heritage, which at one time united all countries of the Old World from Ireland to Turkey. This explains why the signing of the Maastricht Treaty in 1991 was preceded by a Celtic Exhibit in Venice, a show of unprecedented scale that involved nearly 250 museums from all over Europe.   

The Celtomania that swept through Europe during the 19^th century deserves a special mention. European writers, musicians and artists had long fuelled interest in Celts, lured by the mysterious ancient culture. William Shakespeare, James McPherson, Robert Burns, Walter Scott, Vincenzo Bellini, Richard Wagner, John Tolkien, and dozens of other artists used many motives of Celtic legends in their creations. A romantic image of a Celt was gradually shaped in mass culture and everyone could find something appealing in it. Fans of military history appreciated the desperate courage of Celtic warriors. Those involved in esoteric were attracted by mentions of the mystical philosophy of druids, while feminists focused on the high social status of the woman in ancient Celtic society. Musicians were inspired by Irish folklore and environmentalists viewed Celts as the “forest people” who lived in harmony with nature.

best looks

king charles and the stuart mentality

Portrait of King Charles I (1600-1649)

Studio of Sir Anthony van Dyck (1599-1641)

This impressively martial portrait of Charles I is a high quality variant of the earliest likeness of the King painted by Van Dyck in 1632. The original portrait is the large group showing Charles and Henrietta Maria with their two eldest children, a work known as the ‘Great Peece’, and which is still in the Royal Collection. The ‘Great Peece’ became one of the defining images of Charles and the Stuart dynasty, and until that point the art loving King had never been painted by anyone of Van Dyck’s calibre. Therefore, as the first likeness of the King by the newly-arrived court artist, demand for replicas of all sizes must have been considerable. The present portrait, as a work painted in Van Dyck’s studio under the artist’s supervision, would have formed part of the range of portraits produced for Charles and his court for various political and diplomatic reasons. 

Charles I was passionate about art, and was the first British monarch to collect art for its own sake. Ever since his youthful (and comically unsuccessful) mission to Spain in 1623 to secure the marriage of King of Spain’s daughter, Charles had dreamed of turning his court into a rival of the great visual displays of Madrid, sparkling with pictures by Titian and Velasquez, as part of a wishful civilising exercise on his disparate and badly administered kingdom. His first route towards that end was to spend lavishly on collections of Old Masters, most notably the Mantua collection secured for about £15,000 in 1628 with the help of Van Dyck’s friend Nicholas Lanier, the ‘Master of the King’s Musick’.Such was Charles’ enthusiasm for buying art that he would often be present at the moment of delivery, insisting that crates delivered at night were immediately unpacked, and playing games of attribution by candlelight.

But it was not enough for Charles to be surrounded by great art; he wanted to be in it. Charles, more than any other English king, fell into the trap of believing that the image of power equated to its reality. The tradition is that when Charles saw Van Dyck’s c.1628 portrait of Nicholas Lanier[historisches Museum, Vienna] he demanded that the artist be ‘sent for over into England.’[Getting Van Dyck to England, however, was no easy task; he needed the inducements of an expensive annual retainer, a studio by the Thames, a large gold chain, and a knighthood. There are sixteen recorded varying portrait types or compositions of Charles by Van Dyck, and seventeen of his wife, Henrietta Maria. The fact that the majority of these are known both in multiple versions by Van Dyck himself and studio replicas gives a glimpse of how reliant on his talented studio assistants Van Dyck often was.

On one level, the need to circulate the Charles I’s image by the best artist possible was obvious – power increases with recognition. In 1504 Henry VII, the first English king to understand the importance of his own image, had the masterstroke of putting his recognisable portrait on the coinage, so that his face was in the pocket and purse of all his subjects. Other images had to visually impress viewers with the majesty and power of the monarch – some who saw Holbein’s 1537 life-size mural of Henry VIII and his family in Whitehall ‘felt abashed, annihilated’, such was its scale and realism.

The main objective of a royal portraitist was essentially the same in Van Dyck’s time as it had been in Holbein’s time. But by Van Dyck’s day, royal portraiture assumed a more complex significance. This was particularly the case for those portraits commissioned for a royal palace. Van Dyck’s Great Peecemust have been commissioned to rival Holbein’s mural and with the same desire to impress (it too was hung at Whitehall). The Great Peece was begun within weeks of Van Dyck’s arrival in London in June 1632, and the first payment for it was authorized by the King on 8thAugust 1632 at £100 (for one ‘greate peece of Or  royall self, Consort and children’).It was the first time an English monarch had been depicted in a semi-domestic setting, seated, and surrounded by dogs. In Charles’ eyes it was the perfect image of the contented royal family, and thus by extension a contented nation. And yet outside the royal palace royal portraits could assume a subtly different purpose. In private houses, for example, the display of a portrait of Charles I could not only demonstrate the owner’s loyalty to the King, but also that they were a person of importance, just as the discreet display of a signed photograph of The Queen or President Obama might today.

Inevitably, therefore, there was a considerable demand for replicas of Van Dyck’s royal portraits. The present portrait of Charles I is a fine example of a studio production of a portrait of Charles I from relatively early in Van Dyck’s English career. The head is derived from the Great Peece, but the body shows the King in armour, allowing for a more militaristic look than the relative informality of the original. Intriguingly, Van Dyck’s portrait of Charles in the Great Peece differs subtly from his later portraits of Charles, which are more familiar to us today. In Van Dyck’s subsequent portraits, such as the celebrated ‘Charles I in three Positions’ [Royal Collection], Charles’ features are slightly fuller, the jaw and lower lip less prominent, and he appears less drawn, perhaps as a result of the tendency to flattery Van Dyck is regularly accused of.

Unfortunately, we cannot know which of Van Dyck’s assistants was responsible for the portrait. Unlike Rubens’ studio, we know comparatively little of those Van Dyck employed, or what they did. Van Dyck’s studio in Blackfriars lay outside the remit of the City of London and its strict rules on artists and their apprentices. Those whom we believe were employed at some stage in England by Van Dyck include Jan Van Belcamp, Jean de Reyn, David Beek, James Gandy, Henry Stone and Remigius van Leemput. Although Van Dyck came to rely more heavily on his studio towards the end of his life, it is known that, like almost all great artists of the period, he used assistants to some degree from the very beginning of his career as an independently successful artist. In about 1618 he established his own workshop in Antwerp, and it is known that he employed studio assistants even then.He was 4’-8” tall at his coronation in 1626.

His tallest height was 5’-4” tall, which was somewhat short for the times.

They say he had chestnut color hair, which is sort of a brownish red.

The paintings of King Charles I seem to show that he wore a ruffle til the early-mid 1620’s at least.  After that he wore a laced collar.  It also shows that his hair was somewhat short while wearing the ruffle.  When he went to the laced collar he let his hair grow long, at least to shoulder length.  Apparently, in the 1630’s he did let it grow to the small of his back at times.

The paintings also show he wore an earring in his left ear.  This always appears to be a pearl earring, except for some paintings when he was young which shows a ring.  He wore an earring at an early age, about 10 or so.

King Charles started to grow his moustache and pointed beard in the mid 1620’s (his mid 20’s).  He had it until his death.

Beginning at Carisbrooke Castle in 1647, King Charles’ refused to be shaved.  This was because Parliament dismissed his barber.  He did not want a Parliamentary appointed barber to shave him.  Whether this was out of fear of being assasinated or just rebelling against Parliament is unclear.  His beard is shown below in the painting that shows King Charles at his trial:Character:

One of his first acts as king was to get rid of the loafers, etc. that hung around Whitehall palace.  Shortly afterwords, he had court etiquette examined and altered (March 1629).

King Charles was very interested in the welfare of the court and court life.  He made many rules to govern how the court was to be regulated and expected people to behave themselves in a proper way.  He reinstalled court etiquette and manners into the English court life demanding, for example, that people serve him on bended knee.

King Charles was very interested in the welfare of his servants and often would do things on their behalf.

King Charles seemed to be something of a ‘matchmaker’, recommending this person to marry that person oftentimes.

There has been speculation that King Charles I and the Duke of Buckingham may have been homosexuals but there is no evidence of this.  It appears to be ‘court gossip’.

There is no evidence that King Charles had any mistresses or any affairs or associations with females other than his wife.  As a result, no scandal ever arose surrounding King Charles.

In 1647, at Carisbrooke Castle, King Charles seemed to find great interest in a 30 year old women named Jane Whorwhood.  His letters seemed to show he had a great love for her.  It is doubtful that he had anything like an affair, though he seemed to complain of her ‘platonic love’.  This was a period of time of great stress and loneliness for King Charles.  No doubt her presence helped ease his pain and loneliness.

It was said that he wasn’t very good at associating with females.

Unfortunately, it appears that King Charles was very lazy when it came to the government.  He tended to not see to its affairs as much as he should of and never really worked hard for it.

John Milton said that the only vice in King Charles was reading too much Shakespeare.

King Charles tended to be shy, particularly in his early years.

He had a slight Scottish accent.

They say he ate a very sparce and simple diet.

It has been remarked by numerous people that King Charles was a polite, casual, and unprovoking person.  His kind gentle manner was admired by many people.

King Charles was very unlike his father, almost the exact opposite in a way.

Various details about his life:

The midwife at Charles birth was Janet Kinlock.

Charles had rickets as a child.

Charles had to wear reinforced boots (made by Edward Stuteville) to help him walk.

Charles did not walk until about age 4.

Charles was known to be sickly as a child.

Charles did note begin to speak until about the age 3.

He had a stutter.  This made him socially awkward they say.  This was apparently quite pronounced when he was young but appeared less when he grew up.  Apparently, he went through great effort to get rid of it.  Its been said that he largely overcome it, in his adult years, by carefully thinking out each sentence before he spoke.  This may account for why he was very reserved and modest with words.

Charles’ father, King James I, and the Duke of Buckingham always called him “baby Charles”.

It appears that Charles preferred to dress modestly, in darker clothing without any adornment.

He was married by proxy to Henrietta Maria, the sister of King Louis XIII of France.  The marriage took place outside the west door of the cathedral of Notre Dame in Paris.  His proxy was the Duke of Chevreuse, who was a Huguenot.  Because he was not Catholic he had to wait outside for several hours while the French royal family was inside doing religious services.  The marriage, also, being that he was not Catholic, had to be performed outside the cathedral as well.

Cardinal de la Rochefoucauld performed the services at King Charles’ and Henrietta Maria’s wedding.

Being that the marriage was by proxy in Paris, this means that Charles never went through a marriage ceremony with his wife.  But I have also heard it said that, shortly after Henrietta Maria arrived in England at Dover, they went to Canterbury Cathedral and had an actual marriage.

While waiting for his wife to come to England he was so impatient that he sat til the sun set on the roof of Dover Castle looking out over the sea.

King Charles wife, Henrietta Maria, could not speak english when she married him.

Before he became King, Charles titles were Prince of Wales and Earl of Chester, Duke of Cornwall, Duke of Rothesay, Duke of York, Duke of Albany, Marquess of Ormond, Earl of Carrick, Earl of Ross, Baron Renfrew, Lord Ardmannoch, Lord of the Isles, Prince and Great Steward of Scotland.

The Kings fool was named Archie.

The Kings personal chaplains included Dr. Brian Duppa, John Hacket, Michael Hudson, Sheldon, Holdsworth, and Haywood.

The Queens ‘dwarf’ was named Geoffrey Hudson.

King Charles loved to play tennis.

King Charles loved to play bowls, especially as he got older.

King Charles loved to play in ‘masques’.

King Charles loved to hunt and often put it above most things.  Unfortunately, many diplomats and people complained because he was always away hunting and never available.

King Charles loved paintings and collected a large amount (perhaps one of the largest for a monarch).  He knew a lot of details about painting to such an extent that he could tell if a painting was painted by a master or an apprentice.

We know that he had painted several paintings but these have been lost.

King Charles was supposed to of played the viola very well, which he learned when he was young.  They say he could have been an accomplished viola player had he not been king.

King Charles was an accomplished horse rider, though they say he was a little reckless.

One of King Charles favourite poets was Thomas Carew, his Gentleman of the Privy Chamber.

He wore white at his coronation.  This was not the traditional color.   The traditional purple velvet clothe was not available at the time.  It’s for this reason he was often called the “white king”.

Charles made up his own recipe for the anointing oil that he used at his coronation.  My understanding that it has been used up to the present times.

Charles did not allow Ambassadors to dine with him, as his father did.  He did allow some to come and make some remarks to him as he ate.  This custom he copied from the Spanish court.

Charles was very conscious of the different orders of Nobility.  He required that only certain orders of Nobility be permitted in specific rooms in the palace, so that no one of inferior rank would be allowed to enter into these rooms.  Orders were drawn up and hung in each room forbidding people below a certain order of Nobility to be admitted there.  These orders hung there til the English Civil War.  This custom he may of learned from the Spanish court who had similar restrictions.

Charles set up a new Palace Court which heard cases within a 12 mile radius of the Palace or his person.

Charles hated people smoking tobacco in his presence.

The last Angel-Noble medal was minted by King Charles.  These coins were touched by the king and given to person who was suffering from an ailment to ward off the ‘kings evil’.

King Charles created England’s first military medal for bravery, called the Forlorn Hope Medal.  On one side is King Charles I.  On the other is the future King Charles II.  It is shown below:

The night before his execution he had Mr. Herbert take his bed from his room and place it next to his.

The day before his execution he got his clothes ready, as he wanted to appear as neat as he could for, as he said, the next day was his ‘wedding day’.

On the morning of his execution he questioned Mr. Herbert, who was sleeping next to him, why he was having difficulty sleeping.  Mr. Herbert said it was because of a dream he had.  Charles, as a result, inquired him of his dream.  In this dream Dr. William Laud came to their room and knocked on the door while they were sleeping.  After two knocks Mr. Herbert let him in.  He then spoke to King Charles and gave a sigh.  As he walked away he bowed to King Charles several times and then fell prostrate on the ground.  Mr. Herbert went to help him up when King Charles woke him up to ask about the dream.  Laud was beheaded in 1645.

The day of his execution was very cold.  Because of this, Charles put on an extra shirt for warmth.  He did not want people to mistake a shivering from cold was a result of fear.

While being marched across St. James Park to his execution the soldiers walked very slow, which bothered Charles.  He yelled up to the soldiers in front to “march apace” so they’d walk faster.  This they did.

At his execution the balustrade around the execution platform was drapped with black cloth so no one would see the execution itself.

At his execution, they mounted two rings in the floor of the platform.  This was in case he resisted and they had to tie him down.

The actual execution block was only about 12 inches thick.  As a result, he actually layed flat on his front on the platform.  He was not kneeling, as is sometimes shown.

His last word was not “remember!”, as is often said, but “stay for the sign”.  He told the executioner  that he would hold both hands out when he was ready.  He wanted to say a prayer privately before he was executed.  What he said in this prayer we will never know.

King Charles was buried in the tomb meant for another.

Children:

The King had 9 children:

March 13, 1629 – Charles James.  First child stillborn (born feet first) when Henrietta was frightened by dogs.

May 29, 1631 – Charles (the future King Charles II).  Died February 6, 1685.  Married but with no legitimate children

November 4, 1631 – Mary.  Died December 24, 1660.  Married with children.

October 14, 1633 – James (the future King James II).  Died September 16, 1701.  Married with children.

December 29, 1635 – Elizabeth.  Died September 8, 1650.  Died at a young age.

March 17, 1637 – Anne.  Died December 8, 1640.  Died at a young age.

January 29, 1639 – Catherine.  Born stillborn.

July 8, 1640- Henry.  Died September 18, 1660.  Did not marry or have children.

June 16, 1644 – Henrietta.  Died June 30, 1670.  Married with children.

Two of his children were dead at birth, leaving 7 living children.  Two would be future Kings of England.  Four married.  Four had children.

Brothers and sisters

King Charles was in a family of 7 brothers and sisters:

Henry (February 19, 1594 – November 6, 1612).  Probably died of typhoid fever.

Elizabeth (August 19, 1596 – February 13, 1662).  Married Frederick V, Elector Palatine, in 1613.

Margaret Stuart (December 24, 1598 – March, 1600) .

Charles – King Charles I (November 19, 1600 – January 30, 1649).  Executed.

Robert Stuart (January 18, 1602 – May 27, 1602).  Duke of Kintyre.

Mary Stuart (April 8, 1605 – December 16, 1607).

Sophia Stuart (June 1607).  Died within 2 days of birth.

He had 2 brothers and 4 sisters.  Only he and Elizabeth lived beyond their late teens.  Four died while children.  One died in his late teens.

A note on the dates

Be aware that the dates used in England at the time of King Charles I are not the dates we use nowadays. They went according to the Julian calendar. England did not adopt the calendar we use now, the Gregorian calender, until 1752. During King Charles I reign the dates were about 10 days earlier than what we use now. His execution was on January 30, 1649 according to the English or Julian calendar that was used then. According to the dates we use now, based on the Gregorian calender, it was actually February 9, 1649.

The Stuart Curse: The Tragic Lives of a 17th-Century Dynasty

by Andrea Zuvich

When Elizabeth I had her beautiful cousin, Mary, Queen of Scots beheaded at Fotheringhay Castle, Northamptonshire, in 1587, could anyone have guessed that beheading would prove so tragically common with her descendants? Who would have thought that sickliness, unhappiness and infertility would plague them? The Stuarts had so many instances of doom that it is no surprise that it sometimes seems that they were cursed!

Mary’s son with the profligate Lord Darnley, James, eventually became the last Tudor queen’s heir and began the English line of Stuart kings. But James had potentially dangerous beliefs – beliefs that would ultimately prove fatal for his son and eventual heir, Charles I. The belief they so strongly adhered to was that they had been chosen by God to rule and therefore no one could question their governance of the kingdoms. James and his wife, Anne of Denmark, had a few children, the eldest son and heir, Henry, was the best and the brightest of them all. Sadly, Henry was cut down before his time and he died, aged only 18, from what was probably typhoid.

And so the younger son, Charles, eventually succeeded to his father’s throne. Alas, he was a stubborn man – a common characteristic of the Stuarts – and under his rule the country was plunged into Civil War, which caused widespread devastation. The outcome of all the horrors of war resulted in a Commonwealth under Oliver Cromwell and Charles, just like his grandmother, Mary, was beheaded, but this outside the beautiful English Palladian style Banqueting House at Whitehall Palace. The nation’s pendulum then swung from what some perceived as the Stuart oppression to fresh tyranny under Cromwell. Years passed and the Lord Protector died, and Charles’s eldest son returned to England triumphantly as King Charles II and the Restoration of the monarchy was welcomed with joy.

Future troubles began to take root at this time. Charles’s brother, James, Duke of York eventually became openly Catholic and he and his first wife, Anne Hyde, welcomed two daughters into the world – Mary and Anne. These girls would become very important towards the latter part of the century. King Charles II married the Portuguese Catherine of Braganza, but they were unable to have children together, though Charles had over a dozen children with his many mistresses. One of his earliest mistresses was Lucy Walter, with whom he had a son, James Crofts (later Scott), who became the famous and rebellious Duke of Monmouth. Monmouth, a popular Protestant figure, was extremely handsome, athletic, and an excellent soldier and dancer, a favourite of the ladies, but very malleable.

When his father died in 1685, Monmouth became convinced that he should inherit the throne, not his Catholic uncle, James. What ensued was The Monmouth Rebellion, sometimes referred to as The Pitchfork Rebellion, in which common men rose up against James II’s well-equipped and well-trained armies only to be slaughtered upon the fields at Sedgemoor and later sentenced harshly in the Bloody Assizes. Monmouth himself was subjected to the bloodiest botched execution on Tower Hill on the 15th July, 1685. If you’re counting, this is the third Stuart family member beheading.

I was so fascinated by Monmouth’s story, that I wrote my first book about the last ten years of his life and his relationship with Henrietta Wentworth, His Last Mistress.

“Dismal Jimmy” James II eventually became so unpopular a king that seven of the most influential men of the time, now called the Immortal Seven, wrote an invitation to James’s daughter, Mary, and her Dutch husband, William of Orange, to come and take the throne in what is referred to as the Glorious Revolution of 1688/89.

This was a pivotal moment in English, and British, history because never before or since, has there been a joint monarchy, a diarchy. William and Mary were offered the throne but with new limitations and under them we have the Bill of Rights, the founding of the Bank of England, and major events such as the Battle of the Boyne, the Glencoe Massacre, and the founding of the American College of William and Mary. The new limitations meant that England now had a constitutional monarchy of sorts, a very different situation than what their mutual great-grandfather had experienced.

Though William and Mary seem to have loved each other deeply, they had the tragedy of childlessness. Shortly after these first cousins were wed, Mary got pregnant but ended up suffering a very bad miscarriage, which perhaps was not dealt with properly, leaving her unable to carry a child to term. She had at least one other miscarriage and her memoirs show that she longed for a child, for she loved William dearly and also, it was her duty. Life being what it is, they did not have children, and in late December, 1694, Mary, aged 32 died from hemorrhagic smallpox. Her husband and the nation were devastated. Mary had been much beloved, except by the Jacobites, those who supported her now-exiled father, King James II. William, who himself was chronically asthmatic and ill, never remarried and died in 1702, leaving the throne to the last of the Stuarts, Anne.

Anne was an unhealthy woman, especially after eighteen difficult pregnancies, which resulted in only one boy living until the age of eleven. All the others perished even younger and so for the third time in Stuart history, having viable offspring proved impossible. Laden down by obesity and gout and perhaps a bit of an over-fondness for the brandy bottle, Anne died in 1714.

Almost all of the Stuarts had incredibly tragic lives, the most painful of deaths, the greatest of emotional sufferings despite their more wealthy and comfortable circumstances and the power they had. It’s hard to believe that any family could have such misery, but perhaps this element of misfortune (which is perhaps the case with several historical families) is why there is an increasing surge of interest in this lesser-known 17th-century dynasty.